Binetsu

---

It was a white room. All was silent except for the faint noise made by the strange machine by his bedside, beeping in time with Hikaru's pulse. The place looked very clean, very organized. A small table lamp emit its pale light on his face eerily. The lights of the living city pulsed outside the slightly drawn curtains, pouring in a cascade of different colors. Above all, a crescent moon shone down brightly.

A slight knock on the door roused the staring Touya Akira, who had been sitting at his bedside. He straightened up, snapped out of his self-induced daydream, and watched as a nurse, challenged in height and round about the sides, walked to his side, carrying a tray of toasted rice cakes and tea. This she placed upon the night table on his left hand side before shuffling away to tend to other tasks.

"Please, eat those and rest," she advised. "You've been by his side since he was admit in the hospital and I can understand your concern, but you also have to take care of yourself." Then she walked to the other side of the patient's bed, replacing little, clear bag hanging on a high rack. (1) "We can't have both of you young men getting sick, now can we?"

"Thank you," he replied with a weak, forced smile -- the kind he always offered simply to be polite, not because he was happy. "I know I should rest," his eyes fell back down on the still figure lying in the bed, "but I'll wait here a little longer." He sipped the tea quietly before moving on to take a bite from one of the six pre-offered rice cakes. "I'm... very worried, after all." He watched as the nurse checked Hikaru's temperature, being careful about the plastic covering hanging over the sleeping boy. She read the thermometer, shook her head, and, sighing, took up a little clipboard hanging on the bedpost, scribbled something quick, and turned to Touya Akira once more.

"It will still be a while before he gains the strength to wake up. Please, go home and get some rest." Ignoring what it means to be polite, Touya kept silent and continued watching over Hikaru's fever-wracked self. The nurse sighed and promptly left, mumbling to herself, "All go players are alike -- they never take care of themselves."

The white room filled with the empty sound of the near silent beeping monotone synchronized with Hikaru's slightly erratic pulse. Hearing his labored breathing tested my non-existent nerves and almost brought tears to my eyes. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts... I could see the pain in his closed eyes, hear it in his muddled thoughts and dreams. His breathing hesitated and burned as though his lungs were set aflame simply by the air passing through. Touya reached out, pale, callused fingers wanting to touch Hikaru's soft, fever-sensitized skin, but he met with the immediate resistance of the plastic barrier -- the covering which was meant to keep the contagious ailment from spreading.

"Why?" Touya's cracked voice asked the sunken form. "Why you?" He fell to silence once more, biting back the threat of tears. He balled his hands into fists and silently cursed. I could see sleep dancing about his weary eyes; Touya Akira had stayed awake since Hikaru fell sick the evening before. "I didn't finish beating you, Shindou..."

*******

The long-awaited match... I watched with curious eyes as the two rivals heatedly placed their go stones. Touya as black, Hikaru as white -- they were finally playing one another. Life glimmered in the rival's otherwise dead eyes, an excitement, the thrill of playing someone after the long anticipation and wonder of waiting. Hikaru smiled inwardly, trying to restrain the mad grin from playing on his lips and laughing maniacally within himself. Only I could hear his psychotic laughter -- he was so happy. He had finally reached the point he had been working towards, the one goal he ever saw during his journeys through the world of go.

He was playing against Touya Akira as a professional go player. And he was going to win, to prove to Touya that he was just as good, if not better, as he. Hikaru was so happy...

Standing around them were the critics who enjoyed commentating on their wonderful match. Hikaru paused a couple times, and those rare instances were to cover his coughing. His Adam's apple twitched from the restraint; his eyes blurred at times. It was during that match... during that match, and even though I had sensed it earlier... I had sensed it earlier and had kept silent...

*******

He was coughing. Again. His chest wracked with the hacking coughs, his diaphragm worked itself overtime to keep his lungs from ripping through. Pain like needles spread over his sensitized ribcage. Waya peered over the goban to watch Hikaru as he continued with another little fit. "Are you feeling okay, Shindou? You don't look too well..."

Hikaru used his left hand, the hand not covering his mouth, to motion to his peer 'everything is okay!', saying hoarsely, "I'm okay, I'm okay -- I just need a drink of water or something." Waya lifted himself from the spot opposite Hikaru in a tired way. "You really should go to the doctor or something," he called as the other disappeared for a while only to return with a re-filled glass of water. "You've been coughing like this for some time now, Shindou. What if it gets in the way of your go?"

Hikaru managed to force the cough to stop and gulped down the entire glass in three choice swallows. "AH! Heheh, don't worry, Waya. I'm not that old yet." He gave his friend a thumbs up and retrieved a go stone, placing it with conviction on the goban. "Besides, I'll be facing Touya soon." A rare look of seriousness crowded his usually playful features. "I can't afford to miss the match because of what some doctor might say."

Waya laughed, pointing at the wrongly placed go stone. "You can't afford to go and die during the match either."

"Hikaru," I interjected while he attempted to save himself from getting slaughtered after having slammed his go stone in such an idiotic place. "Maybe you really should go to see a doctor's... you're getting worse." I waited for his response, and noticing how enrapt he was in the game, began to dance around hoping to get his attention. "OI!!! I am worrying about your health here and you are ignoring me!? AAAAHHHHHH!!! Hikaru!! HIDOI!!!!"

To go and die during the match?

*******

"Hikaru,... I don't want you to go," his mother talked to his back. Or rather, talked at his back -- Hikaru wasn't quite listening. "I know you're not feeling well." She placed the thermometer on a nearby table to free her hands and wring them together nervously. "This means a lot to you, I know that, but I don't see why it's worth risking your health. Please, stay home today."

"I'll be okay, kaa-san." He smiled, slipping his shoes on and smiling. "Especially after I beat Touya!" Conviction burned in his heart, a kind that could not be stopped, even if he died right then and there. "And anyway, playing go isn't just a hobby of mine -- it's my work. Unless I seriously can't get out of bed," he paused for a brief cough, "I should go to work, right? It's called business ethics." He shook his pointer finger in a mock serious way at his mother, smiling goofily like a child catching his mother with her hand stuck in the cookie jar. "I'll be fine, kaa-san."

She sighed resignedly and laughed a little, taking up a homemade obento. "I made this for you today. I know you usually buy lunch,... but this is a sort of token of good luck." With a smile, she lifted a thumbs up before her. "Go and get'im, Hikaru!"

"Alright!" He turned and opened the front door. "Itte kimasu!"

"Itterasshai!" (2)

*******

"Hikaru? Hikaru?" Of course, I had a pretty good guess he would not answer me. He was that intensely enrapt in the game. And it was a beautiful game. If only it had actually come to an end.

His hand wavered, hovering over the board with the white stone shaking between fingers losing control over their grip. He swallowed several times, eyes blurring over, focusing, unfocusing, and I knew something truly was wrong. I had known before... but I had lied to myself. It was the same as the last time, Torajirou...

The stone fell. It clattered amongst the others on the goban; Touya's crystalline eyes immediately broke from their trance and glared daggers at Hikaru. He could not have possibly understood what was happening at that time. I heard myself calling out Hikaru's name, repeating over and over to whatever gods might listen that it was not supposed to happen that way, that it was too early, please, Kami-sama, no don't let it happen again I do not think I can handle it I can not deal no Hikaru please not him it should not have turned out this way, please no no no...

Hikaru's hand followed the dropped stone, clutching on to the side of the goban with his right hand. Wracked in coughs, so violent they were strong enough to knock one off his feet, Hikaru fell forward, a brilliant red painting itself upon his left hand, covering his mouth. The crimson liquid, mocking me in its familiarity, splashed between go stones and stained the pure wood of the playing board as Hikaru fell to the side. A rush of clamor filled the room as spectators panicked and the shouts of Touya Akira in his rush to Hikaru's aid blurred in a confusing rush in my own thoughts and cries that went unheeded -- Hikaru had lost consciousness.

The game ended with no victor. Though, in all truth, Hikaru really was winning.

*******

"Is it my fault?" I asked him. I watched the tears spilling down Touya's cheeks. "It is because of me? That Torajirou... and now Hikaru...?" My voice went unheard; Hikaru was not listening and there was no way for Touya to hear. "Why is this happening, and why now? Hikaru had so much ahead of him... he had the future I do not..."

Realization dawned upon me, that I was asking the wrong person. Seek the answer from the correct person to ask.

"Kami-sama! Why!? Is this a curse on me? Is this the result of my selfishness?!" I fell to my knees. Was he listening? Would he listen to a selfish, vengeful spirit still wandering the earth with his time long past? "Is this... my punishment? Torajirou... and now Hikaru as well..." I am certain I was crying. I might have even been screaming. "If that is so, you are punishing the wrong ones! Torajirou did nothing wrong! Hikaru has not either! It is all my fault, my fault! Don't blame and punish those undeserving, those innocent! Please... do not let this happen..."

"I know I'm no god," the voice was sudden, silky smooth like chocolate, "and I know I'm no welcome sight." He stood at the window, appearing from nowhere and going nowhere, searching a spirit alive passed its time. "But I'm the one who came to answer your questions, and hopefully save the boy." He gestured lightly towards Hikaru. "Will you listen to me?"

"A Shinigami... a god of death," I could tell by his appearance -- clean and calm. And by the looks of it, bearing the same pain of suicide I wore upon my shoulders. "I will listen. In return, will you tell me how I can do it? How I can save him?" He nodded in answer.

"Suicide gets us nowhere, you know? Oh yeah, and that kid can't see me either," that kid? Meaning Touya? "But you see, there's always a payment for extra time. Come to the other world with me. Maybe that will save him in time."

"Maybe?! You mean you are not sure?!" I panicked. "But you said you could save him!"

"It's the most we can do! He's affected pretty badly by the sickness that is your curse; leaving now doesn't necessarily mean he will get better, but it's the best you can do at this point."

A curse for committing suicide... so this was the price of selfishness...

"Hikaru... I apologize; I understand now." I closed my eyes. "If this really... no, even if it is just a gamble. Any hope is better than none. Do it. I will relinquish my hold upon this world and willing go to where I belong."

That is right... I do no belong in the world of the living any longer. Go is no longer within my grasp, but that does not mean I should take away Hikaru's right to it...

"I am sorry, Torajirou... Hikaru..."

The Shinigami placed his hands upon my shoulders and disappeared. I felt myself also fading.

"Hikaru... please do not forget me. You really are a great go player..."

*******

Lost in the clouds and mists of delusion, the weight of the air choked him. His lungs burnt, his eyes stung; every breath was another draught of fire. The room was too hot, too hot, much too hot. Everything leaned in too closely, though what 'everything' was he could not see, it was crowding him, choking him. Hikaru coughed but found no air entering his body. Until, a sudden coolness fell upon him, pushing away the heat and replacing it with a light, feather feeling of salvation.

"Hikaru... please do not forget me. You really are a great go player..."

His eyes snapped open. The plastic covering was gone; sunlight softly filtered through the window shades. A nurse knelt over him, washing his brow with a cold towel. Touya lay sleeping nearby in a chair.

"What--" At first his voice cracked, not having been used for a long time and having endured the bouts of coughing blood that ended with the curing of his ailment. "Where--?"

"You've finally woken up!" The nurse chimed a little too peppily. "You've been sleeping for three days. But you took quite a shocking amount of time to recover! You go players really should learn to take better care of yourselves." She laughed lightly and winked. "Just wait here, I'll bring you something to eat."

He looked around, feeling cold. An emptiness pervaded his being, and somehow he felt alone. "...Sai?"

But Sai was nowhere to be found.

*******

(1) -- Hey, did you think Sai should know what an IV is? XD I didn't think he should, thus, I made him not know.
(2) -- "Itte kimasu" and "itterasshai" are Japanese expressions used when one is leaving the house.

THE END